Tag Archives: troubles

Glass half full

I was reading a book the other day, “Brain Rules”, you might have heard of it. It’s a great read by John Medina and while I highly recommend it, it’s not what I want to write about today.

There was a short introduction on the concept of “learned helplessness”, where the subject is conditioned to stay in an inescapable situation and have no hope or control over the situation. The subject then resigns itself to its “fate” in a sense, and even though an escape is made available, does not go in search of it. Reading it made me quite upset and made me think of various things – depression, religion, hope, faith, fate, destiny and life in general.

I realized this could relate to many situations in our lives when we feel a lack of control, an inability to change things and a depressing realization that things will never change. I know of people close to me who stay in their jobs even though they hated it because they feel they have no other alternative; of people who consistently found it hard to do well at school and believe that they are less well-endowed intellectually while the issue may just be the methods they have been employing to study or the teaching methods used in the current system.

In those situations, I’m less confident in the effectiveness of an external encouragement compared to the power of internal motivation and awareness. In those situations, the person has to come to their own realization to snap out of that learned helplessness yet it is somewhat a chicken and egg relationship. Yet, like most addictions, I believe it can be overcome.

  1. Awareness is the first step we can take to bring ourselves out of that low
  2. Making a choice – do we want to stay in it or get out of it? Sometimes not making a decision is a decision in itself, which doesn’t make things better. If we want to stay in it, make the most of it and ensure we’re not being miserable staying in it.
  3. Knowing which are the areas we have control over – the world, no; my room, yes; other people’s opinions, no; my own thoughts and behavior, yes
  4. Taking small steps to make changes in those areas we have control over
  5. Optimism and a glass half full psyche – this is where I think faith and hope crosses paths just because while some people garner hope from things around them, others look towards religion and faith and somehow perhaps realizing that someone out there, whoever it is, is looking over us, adds a little booster to the hope meter.
  6. Recognizing the changes and its impact, however small – this is where external encouragement starts to make a difference.

So, hopefully if I ever find myself in a state of “learned helplessness”, I am able to recognize it and take action. Otherwise, maybe a little nudge from the Universe to perhaps allow me to stumble upon my own post or a similar post would point me in the right direction.

Thanks Universe, in advance.

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The Stubborn Fighter

Irrational, Unkempt

Full of non-conformance

Actions and emotions

Hurled from the dark depths

Stemming from the most ill

Parts of ourselves

We never acknowledged

 

Not sexy, not ruffled

Just a fully blown kerfuffle

A brawl like no other

Where thoughts manifest

Through our sword made of flesh

Slicing loudly through

The frail innocent air

 

Crack, Clomp, Thump

Unnatural sounds

Of anger and rage

Avoiding, Clashing, Retreating, Advancing

We give our worst

And receive in turn

The stench of a wound inflicted

 

The walls close in

It’s hard to breathe

Mind and feet shuffle around

The cloggy space

What was dealt before

What stroke should be returned

It’s not over yet

 

Not when I know

I did no wrong

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The Art of Procrastination

The Art of Procrastination. I think I’ve perfected it.

 

1. Before starting on my work, check all email accounts. I’m sure there’s an email I need to respond to or haven’t read properly.

2. Read my favorite blogs on WordPress and then just explore those Freshly Pressed. Add new blogs to those I’m following. I should start on my work but,

3. I should update myself on real-world happenings first! So, I read the news. While reading, Google the tangential issues that peaked my interest. 40 minutes later…

4. Check my email again. Maybe something came in when I wasn’t looking. I’ll start doing stuff in a few minutes, I promise.

5. Oooh an email notification from Facebook. Login to Facebook to find out more, read my news feed for a dose of gossip.

6. Finally pull myself together to write a list of what I aim to do today before realizing that it is already 5pm.

7. Since its close to dinner time, I psyche myself into a state of potential hunger and keep my mind occupied with thoughts of food, or dinner-time TV.

8. Say something motivating and purposeful like, “That’s it, I’m knuckling down to do all these things on this list after dinner and the new episode of The Mentalist which starts at 8:30pm.

9. I follow step 8 through and at 9:30pm, after Mentalist, the warm bed looks real attractive.

10. The cycle willingly repeats itself.

Kids, don’t try this at home.

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All That is True

Honestly.

Browsing social media makes me depressed. Thankfully, just as the internet taketh, it also giveth; and a browse through Freshly Pressed lifts my troubles just a little. There are so many inspirational bloggers out there – aspiring writers, photographers, artists, cooks, or just those who want to document certain aspects of their lives. You don’t need to be popular or boast about your prowess in a certain area, it is mostly just honest, sometimes witty, commentary.

I love it.

It’s real. Not contrived, or psyched up. It’s a personal expression which doesn’t require verification. Although, “likes” and comments can be a huge motivational pill, it’s more like the world wide web’s appreciation of something that took time and effort to create. (Who needs money?!) More importantly, it forms a virtual community of like-minded people.

Real relationships.

Call me crazy but I feel that it exists between fellow bloggers. It’s as if we all know and understand what each of us has to go through and we identify with each other. When they share part of their lives and experiences with me, I start following those I like. Forming, in a way, a more “real” relationship than the one I have with my Facebook “friends” for example.

Facebook friends are not real friends.

Call me conservative, an introvert or socially awkward but it’s definitely true for me. Having random people you just met updating their status to reflect their bowel practices or whinge about wanting more attention might be taking the “friendship” too far, too fast. Then hearing a colleague complain about the boss while proactively staying up to date and commenting on her Facebook activities just makes me question who they really are.

It’s complicated!

Slowly, I start to fear that I am a truly bad judge of character and have the entire thing figured out back to front!

Why can’t I just use social media to stay in touch with those I love; and if I do happen to whinge or discuss my bowel movements, I know they actually do care, hopefully enough not to be grossed out by the latter. I just want to keep my life simple, free from social complications and manipulations…

Just me, my family and Teddy.

Teddy

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Just a Memory

It’s been days since we last spoke
Perhaps even years
A trickery of the senses
My eyes, my ears

We must have been happy
But in an instant it changed
What happened those last few seconds
The shouting and the pain

What was it like when we first met
How did we feel, what did we say?
Did it even happen?
Perhaps there was something written

Maybe I saved it
Somewhere somehow
Maybe they were
just dreams said out loud
Like wisps of a breeze
Floating around

If only I could turn back time
But that does us no good
I know, we’ve tried
Instead we need
To look ahead
And put aside
What is already
Behind

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