Old school reunions have never been so fun nor have they ever been so troubling.
I flitted in and out of the conversation around me, subconsciously rolling the ring in my pocket between my thumb and forefinger. They were laughing and I smiled. Jean’s chatty personality hasn’t changed and Julia, her 5 year old girl, was a splitting image of her.
The crowd around Julia grew and the ladies giggled at everything Julia was saying while the men were entranced by her guile. I withdrew from the crowd and found a seat at a nearby table. The room was a little too cold, as usual. Shivering a little, I took the ring out and placed it on my finger. The silver band with a unique rectangular diamond embellishment, looking more like glass than diamond, felt warm against my cold skin.
I admired the contrast of silver and blue against my pale skin. The diamond was skillfully placed in a way I had never seen before which gave the illusion that the diamond and band were one. Matt likened it to the both of us. I liked the design, but more than that I liked the man who gave this to me. Would I like to spend the rest of my life with him was ironically the question that I also asked myself.
We were friends since college but after we started dating two years ago, it felt like there was a big part of Matt that I never knew. His temper, his ambition, his expectations. Small things yet big factors affecting our interactions with each other and even more so, our plans for the future. I fingered the ring and let out a soft sigh. Why did things have to be so complicated.
“Hey can you watch my stuff, I have to take Julia to the toilet” Jean chucked her bag on the seat beside me.
That jarred me from my thoughts and I hurriedly placed the ring back in my pocket “Yeah sure.”
“Mommy hurry…” Julia was already running ahead of Jean.
I returned my gaze to the table and my heart skipped a beat. There sitting right across from me, was Jeremy.
An unspoken bubble of words formed in my chest. Words I had kept inside since the first time I saw him, words that I didn’t have the courage to say the last time I saw him, during our graduation, 5 years ago. He hadn’t changed much from the charming man I remembered, except there were now signs of a receeding hairline at the front and just a little extra weight. He looked up and smiled before turning back to the conversation.
I smiled back, a little shy, a little indignant, that after all those years of high school, it was still the same now. My heart sank. He still didn’t notice me.
What did I expect? What was I waiting for? I realized then, that some things are best left in the past in order for us to move on with our lives, especially when it never existed to begin with.