Tag Archives: relationships

Birth-Day

Call me slow but only when I gave birth to my first child that I realised that a “birthday” literally meant the day a baby is born.

I mean, I had always associated birthdays with fun, cakes, family and laughs (I am a lucky kid). Now it was associated with hospitals, nurses, doctors, uncertainty, a whole range of emotions from an underlying fear, worry, to excitement, joy and immense love paired with the knowledge that there was so much out of my control on that day.

I always wondered how my parents could remember the time of my birth. After I experienced it, I realised, who could forget…

I hope that I will always remember the emotions my parents went through on my birthday and thank them for never popping the birthday bubble by telling me that day was possibly one of the scariest yet most joyful day of their lives.

Thanks mom and dad, I now understand the change I had wrought in your lives – the worry and the joys. Thanks for letting me grow while always being there to support and guide me probably while wishing time would stand still and that I wouldn’t grow up so fast.

My baby isn’t even 1 yet and I already feel this way.

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Family puts the “F” in Festivity

I miss my family.

They’re all in the US right now, having a bit of a trip over the Christmas and New Year break. I should have joined them, I realise now.

I thought I would be fine, going just as I am, spending Christmas with my partner’s family, catching up with friends I hadn’t met in a while and just taking a break from work in general.

Such conflicting feelings of not being ‘preoccupied’ (work) and wanting to enjoy quality time with family on the other side of the world at the moment.

Somehow I feel all alone in the world and seeing my partner’s family makes me miss them all the more. That holidays mean so much less.

Miss you all lots.

xoxo

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The Stubborn Fighter

Irrational, Unkempt

Full of non-conformance

Actions and emotions

Hurled from the dark depths

Stemming from the most ill

Parts of ourselves

We never acknowledged

 

Not sexy, not ruffled

Just a fully blown kerfuffle

A brawl like no other

Where thoughts manifest

Through our sword made of flesh

Slicing loudly through

The frail innocent air

 

Crack, Clomp, Thump

Unnatural sounds

Of anger and rage

Avoiding, Clashing, Retreating, Advancing

We give our worst

And receive in turn

The stench of a wound inflicted

 

The walls close in

It’s hard to breathe

Mind and feet shuffle around

The cloggy space

What was dealt before

What stroke should be returned

It’s not over yet

 

Not when I know

I did no wrong

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This State of Mind

This weekend started out busy.
I had friends over for dinner on Friday and Sunday and was excited, yet a little worried that my amateur cooking would be less than edible.

It’s Monday now, and I spent most of the weekend, and today, sorting through my email.
Well, to clarify, trying to delete my Hotmail accounts.

I’m not sure how many of you use Hotmail, but here’s a low-down:

  • It gives the impression I’m using a 56k modem when it loads
  • I constantly get a frozen page and have to smack the “F5” key in anger, several times
  • Sometimes I can’t even get to the login page
  • Their help files are of no help

It wasn’t always like that, which explains why I have a lot of legacy emails I did not want to lose in that account. Saving you the dramatic, time-wasting blah blah blah, let’s just say I finally managed to use my Yahoo account to sort it out.

It then became necessary to look through my emails that dated back to 2004 (I like my email accounts organised and clean). After an hour of quick skimming and occasional tearing, I realized I had an actual record of my past.

Not in a diary, not a forced record or one based on fallible memories, but a spontaneous one, of the most important interactions I had with my immediate and extended family over email, which was a little more in depth than what social media, like Facebook, facilitates.

It took me back to the time when we were organizing the extended family trip and had to charter a school bus to the airport, to the time when I had an argument with my Aunt, to the period when my grandma was sick.

It made me realize how much our relationships and interactions have changed.
It made me realize I used to be so close to some people and how we have changed, how some people who play such a big part in my life now weren’t even there 8 years ago.
It made me realize how I used to write and our particular state of minds.

It’s amazing how much is truly exchanged.

p/s: I tried to find a picture of my extended family trip but couldn’t find it! I’m devastated!!!

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All That is True

Honestly.

Browsing social media makes me depressed. Thankfully, just as the internet taketh, it also giveth; and a browse through Freshly Pressed lifts my troubles just a little. There are so many inspirational bloggers out there – aspiring writers, photographers, artists, cooks, or just those who want to document certain aspects of their lives. You don’t need to be popular or boast about your prowess in a certain area, it is mostly just honest, sometimes witty, commentary.

I love it.

It’s real. Not contrived, or psyched up. It’s a personal expression which doesn’t require verification. Although, “likes” and comments can be a huge motivational pill, it’s more like the world wide web’s appreciation of something that took time and effort to create. (Who needs money?!) More importantly, it forms a virtual community of like-minded people.

Real relationships.

Call me crazy but I feel that it exists between fellow bloggers. It’s as if we all know and understand what each of us has to go through and we identify with each other. When they share part of their lives and experiences with me, I start following those I like. Forming, in a way, a more “real” relationship than the one I have with my Facebook “friends” for example.

Facebook friends are not real friends.

Call me conservative, an introvert or socially awkward but it’s definitely true for me. Having random people you just met updating their status to reflect their bowel practices or whinge about wanting more attention might be taking the “friendship” too far, too fast. Then hearing a colleague complain about the boss while proactively staying up to date and commenting on her Facebook activities just makes me question who they really are.

It’s complicated!

Slowly, I start to fear that I am a truly bad judge of character and have the entire thing figured out back to front!

Why can’t I just use social media to stay in touch with those I love; and if I do happen to whinge or discuss my bowel movements, I know they actually do care, hopefully enough not to be grossed out by the latter. I just want to keep my life simple, free from social complications and manipulations…

Just me, my family and Teddy.

Teddy

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Just a Memory

It’s been days since we last spoke
Perhaps even years
A trickery of the senses
My eyes, my ears

We must have been happy
But in an instant it changed
What happened those last few seconds
The shouting and the pain

What was it like when we first met
How did we feel, what did we say?
Did it even happen?
Perhaps there was something written

Maybe I saved it
Somewhere somehow
Maybe they were
just dreams said out loud
Like wisps of a breeze
Floating around

If only I could turn back time
But that does us no good
I know, we’ve tried
Instead we need
To look ahead
And put aside
What is already
Behind

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