I’ve always traveled for specific duration, be it a holiday, a study experience, or work; there was always a set timeline, approximate or definite, of when I would return home.
I realize now that when that return trip is not in the plans, it becomes a little disorientating. Perhaps kinda like if life didn’t have an end, we might just roam around the Earth like headless chickens. Which isn’t good.
I had just taken a step in my life, which on hindsight, is probably a HUGE step, but I had never been one to cower away from change or new places/people. So I simply embraced it and the things I needed to do. I quit my old job and headed for an unknown future, which apart from being the tipping point of starting this blog, also triggered quite a few thoughts.
- My family – While I was excited, saying goodbye at the airport was a teary and emotional affair, just like always. The time I spent with my family really brought me closer to them. While I felt that I’d been “filling up” on family experiences that I would miss while apart from them, I ended up cherishing the “now” of the experience more than the memory of it, and the pictures would always serve as a beautiful reminder. I wished I could stay in that phase forever, but I knew where I was heading and the financial stress of being unemployed was restricting us from fully enjoying our time together, I had to think about my career plans.
- My ambitions – did I have any that I really wanted to stick to? I studied Marketing and Communications but have experiences in Finance, which has made me realize that I want to leave that industry and do something more tangible; and I wanted to write! Then I thought, maybe I’m just one of those who didn’t need a crazy career, because honestly, I was really sick of the political corporate scene. I’d be happy if I could just run my own little shop somewhere (a little more about this in another post), but my savings were depleting and a job would be just the thing I need right now.
- My employability – the job search started off exciting but has become a little more urgent with the daily depletion of my savings. Reviewing my resume and comparing what experiences I have with the jobs that are out there is making me question my own capabilities and I’m worried that the longer I stay unemployed, the less employable I will be. Which is probably true and makes me realize how hard it must be for mothers coming back to work from maternity leave and realize the importance of labor laws in this area.
- My time and life in general – it’s an odd feeling. Not having a certain routine, having financial concerns that needed to be actively worked out, yet at the same time, standing at the precipice of change and feeling that my next move might make or break things? I need to decide what I want to do with my life, will one decision close any doors, what if I get stuck in a dead end job, what if I become a jobless bum roaming the streets?!
But life isn’t made or broken so easily is it? Just as I found that being with my family gave me so much more than memories, it is a culmination of decisions that make our lives the way it is.
So despite the constant news of high unemployment rates, I will, just as I did when I graduated, keep my optimism and faith, keep exploring the things I am interested in. At least this time, I have a blog, something that gives me a semblance of a purpose, to create, to “work” and to explore.
Though let’s not digress, I can get any job I want, right?
p/s: also had an idea for a little story, will post that up soon!