Tag Archives: family

Thank you mom and dad

Just wanted to take some time out of my already scarce amount of sleep to state firmly and boldly:

Thank you to all those parents who are now grandparents helping with the care of their grandkids – even for a while.

I know you will only do what you think is best for my baby because you love them as much as you love me. If not more. (Who am I kidding, definitely more.)
You have given me some time for myself, to think, to compose my emotions, to rest, to pretend I am a kid again and go on crazy theme park rides.
You have given us shared experiences we can all reminisce about. You now also know what is "behind the scenes" when taking care of "this cutie".
You have given me an idea of what you were like when I was little, the time I can't remember anything of. I now understand a little more of what you had to go through and how different you must have been when we were young.
You have provided us some distance so I have the luxury of perspective to renew, persevere and be better.

So thank you! Thank you for your unconditional love, your generosity and the deep well of energy you draw from (Grandmas more than Granddads specifically here). I know how hard it is and I appreciate how much more demanding it must be on you physically.

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Birth-Day

Call me slow but only when I gave birth to my first child that I realised that a “birthday” literally meant the day a baby is born.

I mean, I had always associated birthdays with fun, cakes, family and laughs (I am a lucky kid). Now it was associated with hospitals, nurses, doctors, uncertainty, a whole range of emotions from an underlying fear, worry, to excitement, joy and immense love paired with the knowledge that there was so much out of my control on that day.

I always wondered how my parents could remember the time of my birth. After I experienced it, I realised, who could forget…

I hope that I will always remember the emotions my parents went through on my birthday and thank them for never popping the birthday bubble by telling me that day was possibly one of the scariest yet most joyful day of their lives.

Thanks mom and dad, I now understand the change I had wrought in your lives – the worry and the joys. Thanks for letting me grow while always being there to support and guide me probably while wishing time would stand still and that I wouldn’t grow up so fast.

My baby isn’t even 1 yet and I already feel this way.

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Family puts the “F” in Festivity

I miss my family.

They’re all in the US right now, having a bit of a trip over the Christmas and New Year break. I should have joined them, I realise now.

I thought I would be fine, going just as I am, spending Christmas with my partner’s family, catching up with friends I hadn’t met in a while and just taking a break from work in general.

Such conflicting feelings of not being ‘preoccupied’ (work) and wanting to enjoy quality time with family on the other side of the world at the moment.

Somehow I feel all alone in the world and seeing my partner’s family makes me miss them all the more. That holidays mean so much less.

Miss you all lots.

xoxo

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This State of Mind

This weekend started out busy.
I had friends over for dinner on Friday and Sunday and was excited, yet a little worried that my amateur cooking would be less than edible.

It’s Monday now, and I spent most of the weekend, and today, sorting through my email.
Well, to clarify, trying to delete my Hotmail accounts.

I’m not sure how many of you use Hotmail, but here’s a low-down:

  • It gives the impression I’m using a 56k modem when it loads
  • I constantly get a frozen page and have to smack the “F5” key in anger, several times
  • Sometimes I can’t even get to the login page
  • Their help files are of no help

It wasn’t always like that, which explains why I have a lot of legacy emails I did not want to lose in that account. Saving you the dramatic, time-wasting blah blah blah, let’s just say I finally managed to use my Yahoo account to sort it out.

It then became necessary to look through my emails that dated back to 2004 (I like my email accounts organised and clean). After an hour of quick skimming and occasional tearing, I realized I had an actual record of my past.

Not in a diary, not a forced record or one based on fallible memories, but a spontaneous one, of the most important interactions I had with my immediate and extended family over email, which was a little more in depth than what social media, like Facebook, facilitates.

It took me back to the time when we were organizing the extended family trip and had to charter a school bus to the airport, to the time when I had an argument with my Aunt, to the period when my grandma was sick.

It made me realize how much our relationships and interactions have changed.
It made me realize I used to be so close to some people and how we have changed, how some people who play such a big part in my life now weren’t even there 8 years ago.
It made me realize how I used to write and our particular state of minds.

It’s amazing how much is truly exchanged.

p/s: I tried to find a picture of my extended family trip but couldn’t find it! I’m devastated!!!

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I am here

I’ve always traveled for specific duration, be it a holiday, a study experience, or work; there was always a set timeline, approximate or definite, of when I would return home.

I realize now that when that return trip is not in the plans, it becomes a little disorientating. Perhaps kinda like if life didn’t have an end, we might just roam around the Earth like headless chickens. Which isn’t good.

I had just taken a step in my life, which on hindsight, is probably a HUGE step, but I had never been one to cower away from change or new places/people. So I simply embraced it and the things I needed to do. I quit my old job and headed for an unknown future, which apart from being the tipping point of starting this blog, also triggered quite a few thoughts.

Thoughts about:

  • My family – While I was excited, saying goodbye at the airport was a teary and emotional affair, just like always. The time I spent with my family really brought me closer to them. While I felt that I’d been “filling up” on family experiences that I would miss while apart from them, I ended up cherishing the “now” of the experience more than the memory of it, and the pictures would always serve as a beautiful reminder. I wished I could stay in that phase forever, but I knew where I was heading and the financial stress of being unemployed was restricting us from fully enjoying our time together, I had to think about my career plans.
  • My ambitions – did I have any that I really wanted to stick to? I studied Marketing and Communications but have experiences in Finance, which has made me realize that I want to leave that industry and do something more tangible; and I wanted to write! Then I thought, maybe I’m just one of those who didn’t need a crazy career, because honestly, I was really sick of the political corporate scene. I’d be happy if I could just run my own little shop somewhere (a little more about this in another post), but my savings were depleting and a job would be just the thing I need right now.
  • My employability – the job search started off exciting but has become a little more urgent with the daily depletion of my savings. Reviewing my resume and comparing what experiences I have with the jobs that are out there is making me question my own capabilities and I’m worried that the longer I stay unemployed, the less employable I will be. Which is probably true and makes me realize how hard it must be for mothers coming back to work from maternity leave and realize the importance of labor laws in this area.
  • My time and life in general – it’s an odd feeling. Not having a certain routine, having financial concerns that needed to be actively worked out, yet at the same time, standing at the precipice of change and feeling that my next move might make or break things? I need to decide what I want to do with my life, will one decision close any doors, what if I get stuck in a dead end job, what if I become a jobless bum roaming the streets?!

But life isn’t made or broken so easily is it? Just as I found that being with my family gave me so much more than memories, it is a culmination of decisions that make our lives the way it is.

So despite the constant news of high unemployment rates, I will, just as I did when I graduated, keep my optimism and faith, keep exploring the things I am interested in. At least this time, I have a blog, something that gives me a semblance of a purpose, to create, to “work” and to explore.

Though let’s not digress, I can get any job I want, right?

p/s: also had an idea for a little story, will post that up soon!

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All That is True

Honestly.

Browsing social media makes me depressed. Thankfully, just as the internet taketh, it also giveth; and a browse through Freshly Pressed lifts my troubles just a little. There are so many inspirational bloggers out there – aspiring writers, photographers, artists, cooks, or just those who want to document certain aspects of their lives. You don’t need to be popular or boast about your prowess in a certain area, it is mostly just honest, sometimes witty, commentary.

I love it.

It’s real. Not contrived, or psyched up. It’s a personal expression which doesn’t require verification. Although, “likes” and comments can be a huge motivational pill, it’s more like the world wide web’s appreciation of something that took time and effort to create. (Who needs money?!) More importantly, it forms a virtual community of like-minded people.

Real relationships.

Call me crazy but I feel that it exists between fellow bloggers. It’s as if we all know and understand what each of us has to go through and we identify with each other. When they share part of their lives and experiences with me, I start following those I like. Forming, in a way, a more “real” relationship than the one I have with my Facebook “friends” for example.

Facebook friends are not real friends.

Call me conservative, an introvert or socially awkward but it’s definitely true for me. Having random people you just met updating their status to reflect their bowel practices or whinge about wanting more attention might be taking the “friendship” too far, too fast. Then hearing a colleague complain about the boss while proactively staying up to date and commenting on her Facebook activities just makes me question who they really are.

It’s complicated!

Slowly, I start to fear that I am a truly bad judge of character and have the entire thing figured out back to front!

Why can’t I just use social media to stay in touch with those I love; and if I do happen to whinge or discuss my bowel movements, I know they actually do care, hopefully enough not to be grossed out by the latter. I just want to keep my life simple, free from social complications and manipulations…

Just me, my family and Teddy.

Teddy

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Life

Image

Hope and delight

Giggles, bottles and love

Baby’s bottom

 

Desires and needs

Learning, yearning and stomps

Schoolyard stories

 

Work and family

Advancement, building and trying

The search

 

Rest and relax

Empty nests, grandchildren and exercise

The golden years

 

Light and dark

Nature, release and the unknown

The last breath

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Mystery of the Missing Vegetable

It was a cool autumn day…
Well, as far as cool and autumn can be in a tropical country where the only seasons are hot, hot and hotter…

We headed to the neighborhood supermarket as our food supplies were running low. Which actually happens on an almost daily basis in our family of 6. There’s always something missing or someone hungry for something.

As it usually unfolds, our short grocery trips evolved into some kind of time-sucking monster while we sat down for a snack, deliberated over the ‘best buy’, ogled at snacks, compared brands and before we knew it, the sky was colored a deep nightly hue by the time we decided to head home.

With a familiar burn in our pocket, we got home and started to sort the items we needed for dinner that night and found ourselves short one of our purchases – a packet of leafy vegetable. With all of us in the kitchen, there was a barrage of questions aimed at no-one in particular and yet everyone all at once. It was a state of chaos. Questions like:

  1. Is it in the pantry?
  2. Perhaps the fridge?
  3. Did someone misplace it?
  4. Where was the last place you saw it?
  5. Perhaps it’s still in one of the bags?
  6. Did someone throw it away by accident?
  7. Are you sure we even bought it?

And a slew of reactions were triggered.

  • The fridge was ransacked again and again, by various people
  • The pantry light was turned on and off in case we missed something the first time
  • The empty bags were smashed together in an attempt to feel for a bulky packet left forgotten
  • Memories were ransacked as to who saw it last and where
  • Dad stuck his hand into the bin in case it was thrown away *eww* – unfortunately for him, this was before he got the inspiration to check for evidence of the purchase – i.e. the receipt!

So question 7 was answered. We did purchase it.

Knowing that it had to be somewhere along the way home from the grocers, we retraced our steps and finally found it… lying surreptitiously in the dark crannies of the car’s backseat. If only it knew the lengths we went to search for it!

Reflecting on it, I’m pretty sure we could have gotten from the problem (missing vegetable) to the solution (the car) much earlier. But with so many people fretting about the same thing, I think this was a hilarious interpretation of the familiar adage “too many cooks spoil the broth”.

Although, it did make dinner taste especially yummy that night…

Got you now Mr. Vegetable!

Courtesy of Otama2

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